Fun with Howlers and other things to do at Hogwarts
by SlytherinWhoLockedNinjaMage
Summary: One shot for my friend based off a post on tumblr. What if howlers weren't just for disciplining kids? What if they were used for fun instead? Why did someone send a howler saying "I LIKE YOUR SWEET BUTT"?
1. Fun with Howlers

It was an altogether normal day at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. Well, as normal as it can get at least. It was a mail day and owls were swopping through the great hall. Nobody had noticed it until it landed on the Ravenclaw table.

Now, what landed wasn't _extremely_ unusual. In fact, by the time you graduated you've probably seen at least one. After all, with most of the school population being either half-bloods or purebloods it was the quickest way for magic parents to disciple their children.

What I'm referring to is, of course, a Howler. Burning up if you don't open them fast enough and screeching at the receiver, they're not what most kids hope to receive.

This one was different. It landed in front of a 5th year Ravenclaw girl with a long braid. Bailey Port was her name and it was quite odd that she had received one, being from a muggle family. The chaos and whispering was almost immediate. Everyone was quickly speculating on who would send her a howler.

Nobody was ready when it burned, being on a very fast timer, and screamed

"I LIKE YOUR SWEET BUTT!"

With that echoing through the halls all the speculation and gossip went quiet. After all, who would send a howler to say something like _that_?

They got their answer when a 5th year Slytherin girl started cackling. The Slytherin, whose name was Judy Thought, was known to be rather unorthodox when it came to… just about anything.

Then the questions started. "Do you like her?" "Why is she sending you messages about your butt?" "When did you guys meet?"

Turns out that they had gone to muggle school together, and had been friends for a while. Bailey was apparently one of the few that could put up with Judy aside from a Hufflepuff girl that had also went to school with them.

And the Hufflepuff, named Winnie, had convinced Judy to send her a howler after they had figured out how.

Now, why the message about her bum, you may ask? Well, Bailey, who was quite an athletic girl, had a firm bum. In fact it was a running joke that "no matter how straight Winnie was, she could definitely appreciate how nice a bum is".

This is what started a long tradition of sending complements to people that need one.


	2. Breakfast with a show

This one shot was written by my friend, Bailey, whose pen-name is baileys1999. She hasn't posted anything yet but when she does it's going to be quality stuff ^^

It was another breakfast for the students at Hogwarts. As everyone chatted among their tables, some even spread out to their neighboring tables, the great hall was booming with laughter and talk, friends not wanting to stray too far. The roof in the great hall was a shimmering, cloudless blue that artists could only dream about.

The morning mail soon came in as the owls covered the view of the large roof, student talk dimming slightly to watch for mail. Before anyone could say much, a large red envelope was dropped in front of a slytherin girl, fifth year Judy Thought. The girl was sweating already knowing who it was from and not wanting to open it for fear of the payback she was about to be dealt due to her last howler.

Before many students could react the howler was growing steam, drawing even more attention to the girl cowering behind a plate of bacon and toast. Without another thought, she snatched the howler and opened it to keep the explosion to a minimum. However, the result was even less dangerous than expected.

Deep gasps and pants filled the hall, faces paling in every direction as the older students thought of the noise being created. Before anyone could think about it, the sound of something tightening was ringing through the cavernous space. "Se- sebast-ian" came a strangled reply. "I c-can't take it anymore!"

"Now, please place your hands on the wall and…" A new deeper voice ran out in the hall, older students rushing to cover first and second years ears. "Relax your muscles a little further" Students were all gasping in shock as Judy stayed utterly still, face paling with every second, some girls growing blushes.

"N-no it. it hurts!"

"Do bear with me a little longer sir, you will find your body become accustomed to it soon"

Gasping replaced the silence in the long howler, even the teachers sporting blushes.

"Ah- Com-ming" the soft gasps were replaced by a strangled cry as the pleader soon regained his voice. "THEIR COMING OUT, MY GUTS ARE ON THE VERGE OF COMING OUT OF MY BODY I SAY."

A bored reply was soon heard from the howler. "I highly doubt any lady has died from a corset young master"

The howler died down, resulting in the slow removal of hands from younger students' ears. Judy's face remained slack, a thin line of blood trickling from her nose as she recalled the reason for the howler. A large explosion came from the raven claw table as none other than Bailey Port fell out of her spot, clutching her stomach from laughing so hard.

"What the bloody hell was that from?!" Winnie squeaked from the hufflepuff table before storming over to Bailey and dragging her from her braid towards Judy. "There are standards to these sorts of things! Honestly! Some idiotic ting like that this early in the morning?"

Bailey wiped a tear from her eye still clutching her stomach as she stumbled behind the furious blond. "Well, when else was she to receive it? Can't exactly send one in the middle of class, now can I."

Winnie flung Bailey towards Judy, sending her towards the ground. "You blundering _IDIOT_! Why not just refuse to counter back! The sweet butt thing was a good idea but something like that! Jesus what am I to do with you asshats!" The skinny girl was fuming, face flushed from both embarrassment and anger at the two girls sprawled out before her.

"Judy put that stupid hand down this isn't a class." Winnie sighed, rubbing her eye in mock defeat when the small slytherin before her raised her hand in question.

"I just wanted to say that that was amazing and you need to show me how you got that from the internet!" Judy replied looking from Winnie to Bailey, pure bloods looking at the pair as if they had turned into nargles.


	3. A Midsummer Night's Hogwarts

The potion professor should have thought a bit more about what would happen when he chose to teach the 5th years about love potions. After all, what sane teacher decides to teach hormonal teens how to make their crush become infatuated with them? Of course, what happened wasn't that. Not really.

It started as a prank. A mean one. But to the Slytherin in question it was just a bit of good fun inspired by A Midsummer Night's Dream. After all, what do you expect her to do with the extra love potion?

Who was the target? A Ravenclaw by the name of Brey Hugness whom had a very big crush on Winnie was. You see, it was an inside joke that he couldn't have a bigger crush on her if he was under the effect of a love potion. So with a vile of love potion and a devious mind she tried to put it in his drink. Oddly enough, things seemed to go wrong. Instead of Brey getting the love potion Winnie's best guy friend, Ezri a loyal hufflepuff and friend to the slytherin. Figure that, the wrong person getting a love potion.

This ended with a situation like this in the great hall-

"No, you don't love her! I've been trying to be her boyfriend since 1rst year!" Brey screeched.

"YOU KNOW NOTHING! When was the last time you had a conversation with her?" Ezri raged.

"Can you guys stop? I'm glad that you like me and all but I actually have a boyfriend." Winnie said, looking uncomfortable.

"Can you shut the bloody hell up?!" Bailey hissed, annoyed.

"Well I've had my fun. Madam Pomfrey probably has a cure." Judy casually inputted.

"Did you FUCKING DO THIS! I should have realized!" Bailey growled, lunging at Judy.

"Crap! Well, let's go!" Judy said racing away, heading for the infirmary.


	4. The Nerf War of Hogwarts

We've decided to alternate chapters. So this is Bailey's chapter.

After two weeks of peace in the hectic school of Hogwarts, students slowly grew agitated. The mischievous group of friends always setting off howlers and sneaking potions had done nothing to cause any sort of disruption, worrying students more than if they actually had done something.

The worrying was soon put to an end as students walked into lunch over the weekend, plastic neon toys visible between robes, the bulges barely doing anything to conceal it. As more and more of these students piled into the great hall, apparently the main source for antics, most pure bloods grew agitated. Most muggleborns were in on the joke, all hiking the large toys under the table ready and loaded for the signal, the odd half-blood smiling with anticipation.

Before many questions could be asked the hall grew slightly quieter as the sound of shoes clacking on the stone floor outside the large double doors echoed through. Students turned to watch as they slid open slowly, revealing Judy Though and Bailey Port heaving large, bulky plastic guns, the word nerf sprawled across the side.

As teachers began to murmur concerned as Bailey hefted her gun onto her right shoulder, aiming it towards the ceiling and setting it off once. That was when chaos erupted around the hall. Everyone with the colourful plastic toys sprang from their seats, some that had been in rows even knocked the row onto the floor. Screaming soon filled the hall as the Slytherin and Ravenclaw sprang into action, robes billowing around them to reveal long belts of amp wrapped around their torsos.

The soft pop and pomf of the foam darts filled the large room as everyone scrabbled for cover, those brave enough staying open to shoot at all who dared to go against them. Eventually, the madness grew to such a height that a few tables had been flipped, people jumping and ducking through the game to get clear shots.

Brey Hugness, the Ravenclaw, was positioned beside a screeching Bailey as she fired bullet after bullet, standing in plain sight but no one daring to shoot. Even the Slytherins within the ranks of the enemy were watching her warily. All but Judy as she fired blindly along the wall smiling like a crazed person who had escaped Azkaban.

The headmaster seemed oblivious to the massacre, smiling and eyes twinkling at the war zone before him, teachers either watched him worriedly or watched the students with hate, gears turning in their minds for punishment dealing.

Soon, Judy was hit, followed by Ezri on the Hufflepuff side, causing a dramatic fall back and a cackling Bailey. As Brey high fives Bailey, a small cup was thrown at the brunette, hitting her in the face. As her eyes darted around she noticed it being thrown by Judy, before her eyes narrowed in rage. Nerf gun forgotten for the moment, Bailey shot daggers with her eyes as they narrowed at Judy, before getting hit on the head with a bullet, a sticky one that stayed on her forehead.

Bailey was soon dramatically falling, silence filling the great hall as she yelled in mock pain, scrabbling for Brey. As people watched the scene she was making in confusion and amusement, Brey acted as if to comfort her. "Tell Judy, tell her she was always my friend and that if i die here, my ghost will haunt her for throwing a god dammed cup at me!"

"I will Bailey, don't let go to me now we will make it, alright! We will make it, take you to Madame Pomfrey and clean you up; you will be good as new!" Brey answered finally grabbing her hands and squeezing them, fake tears rolling down his face.

Bailey returned the stare, eyes wide in thought before a smile spread around her face, some shuddered due to the creepiness. As Bailey hiked her gun in the air the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw student team followed and belted out a solid "YEAH!"

"Ravenclaw and Gryffindor for the WIN!" Bailey bellowed, causing more cheers and gun thrusts.

Slytherin and Hufflepuff sighed in mock defeat as they also started to clean up and return the great hall back to order. Talk was soon filling the area as students asked the fighters about their nerf guns and how they worked. Most shrugged in reply while others could offer an explanation. The pure bloods talked about the new game that was shown to them excitedly, all trying to twist their version with magic and talk about unlimited amo and magical improvements to the game.

Smiles were brought for the rest of the day, students teasing each other at the spots some of the harder hitting guns had left, treating them like survivors from an actual war. Bailey and Judy pranced around school the rest of the week, carrying their prized weapons to the odd class as well, the sly Slytherin now sporting a black eye along with her bruises and the Ravenclaw holding a red lump on her head with the red circle in the middle of her forehead.


	5. Adopted

p class="MsoNormal"This story has been adopted bya href=" u/5507583/baileys1999" baileys1999 /a(she wrote the 2supnd/sup and 4supth/sup chapter) She's a great writer and I've decided that I want her to take over while I try to write my SI Naruto fanfic. I hope you enjoy her writing as much as I do ^^. /p 


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